“There’s This Deep-Rooted Feeling That I Need To Have It All Together By 30”

At 20, Annabel Yee doesn’t have her whole career mapped out yet.

But the pressure to have it all figured out is already there.

“It’s the expectations that I put on myself. I feel like I have to achieve a certain thing at a certain age, such as finding internships and a career, and then be able to achieve the financial goals I want,” says the second-year university student. 

She isn’t alone.

Chloe Lim, also 20, relates to the same sense of urgency. “Being able to get married, have your own house, and sustain yourself without relying on your family is what we Singaporeans deem successful.

“So when we fall behind, we think we’re not doing as well.”

And even by 26, that invisible deadline hasn’t disappeared. Music artist Angelica Teo says, “There’s this deep-rooted feeling that I need to have it all together by 30, and I’d feel like I’m a failure if I don’t.”

Indiependence is an F ZINE initiative featuring honest conversations about things that matter to young Singaporeans. In this edition, editor-in-chief Noelle Loh chats with young professionals and hiring managers to unpack the anxieties and pressures of job hunting. Our take? Nobody knows what they’re doing (and that’s okay). Watch the conversation below.

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Feeling behind doesn’t mean you’re falling behind

Part of the anxiety comes from not knowing where to begin. For many undergraduates and first-jobbers, it can feel as though everyone else already has a plan. 

Roshini Kumaravelu, a 25-year-old working in tech consulting, understands that feeling.

“There’s an infinite number of jobs you can potentially go into. While we have a lot more information about jobs that are available, it’s harder just because of the paradox of choice.”

Without a clear direction, some cast the net as wide as possible. Philip Vendargon, 25, was one of them. After sending out close to 200 applications over 10 months, he was still without an offer.

“I didn’t have that sense of ‘Oh, I really want to end up here, so this is the path I need to take’,” he says, adding that it made the job hunt feel even more unsettling because there were so many possible roads.

Watching peers announce new jobs on LinkedIn only made that uncertainty harder to ignore.

A career coach from the Skills and Workforce Development Agency (SWDA) says many graduates assume they’re the only ones who feel this way. (Psst, SWDA is a government agency that brings jobs and skills support into one place, after Workforce Singapore and SkillsFuture Singapore joined forces in July.)

“Most of your peers are just as uncertain, but they are simply less vocal about it,” says the coach. “The realisation that this feeling is almost universal can take a surprising amount of pressure off you.”

The coach encourages graduates to show themselves the same compassion they would extend to a friend.

“Be kind to yourself first. Feeling stuck or unable to move forward at this stage is completely normal, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.”

Feeling stuck, he adds, isn’t the same as being stuck.

Exploring different paths, even without immediate success, still counts as progress. “The normal stage of figuring things out looks quite different. It comes with discomfort, but also with movement and small acts of trying,” says the coach.

F ZINE asked young Singaporeans what they really feel about the pressure to have their careers figured out.

Getting to know yourself

Now settled into his first job, Philip has one piece of advice: Rather than playing the numbers game, be clear about what you’re looking for. And that starts with asking: What matters most to me?

Nicholas Chong reached that conclusion after struggling in work that didn’t engage him. 

“I’m somebody whose brain just stops working if I don’t like what I’m doing,” says the 24-year-old. “Even if I have amazing sleep, I’d still feel like a zombie.”

For Chloe, choosing a career comes down to something else. “I see my career as a way of giving back to my community, and I’ve always wanted to help people understand and get through their personal struggles.”

Since graduating with a psychology degree, Angelica has gone from marketing to now music. She’s aware she’s not in the most high-paying industry, but she’s found something that matters more to her.

“I don’t need too much. I’m just happy to be living comfortably and with the job that I have, in which I’ve also found a sense of purpose.”

For graduates who don’t yet have those answers, the SWDA coach often starts somewhere simpler. Ask yourself:

• When was the last time you felt energised?
• What were you doing?
• What problem were you solving?

“These questions help shift the conversation from ‘What am I supposed to do?’ to ‘What actually lights me up?’ and that’s a much more productive place to start from.”

The coach also helps graduates distinguish between what they genuinely want and what they feel they should want.

“The answer to a question like ‘What kind of person do you want to become?’ is a far more honest compass than any job title or salary figure.”

The coach recalls one graduate who was determined to land a prestigious, high-paying job he could proudly talk about at a class reunion.

After reflecting on what really mattered to him, he accepted a less “glamorous” role – and found he enjoyed it far more than he expected.

“He had arrived with a fixed picture of success, but life, as it often does, offered him something different and, in many ways, ‘richer’.”

Nobody has it all figured out

Landing your first job doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly have everything figured out. 

Fashion graduate Wyona Pang, 26, remembers one of the biggest adjustments. “It’s quite a hard pill to swallow when you realise that no one is obligated to teach you things.”

Roshini discovered something similar. “You may believe you have certain strengths in school, but you really do need to test it out in the corporate world.”

For Nicholas, the learning curve was more personal. His reserved nature sometimes stopped him from speaking up. “Closed mouths don’t get fed. I’ve learnt that when you’re starting your career, you need to be very ‘shameless’.”

Those early months can leave many graduates questioning whether they’re good enough or whether they belong. It’s one reason impostor syndrome is so common among first-jobbers, says the coach.

One way to keep those feelings in check is to separate feelings from facts. “When self-doubt creeps in, being able to point to real things you have done and done well can be incredibly grounding.”

Head to SWDA’s page for more tools, tips and programmes, or reach out to an SWDA career coach for personalised career and skills advisory.