F ZINE People Cam: Loneliness Edition

For a generation that grew up alongside the Internet and social media, Gen Z is actually pretty lonely. A recent study by the Institute of Policy Studies found that 70 per cent of their young respondents (aged 21 to 34) reported feeling like they lack companionship most of the time.

So, what gives? Is it a reliance on social media, or the fallout of growing up during the COVID-19 pandemic? We took to the streets of Singapore to hear youths out on why they think their generation is struggling with loneliness, and how their peers can better deal with it.

Name: Charlene Gan

Age: 19

Occupation: Student

On whether social media makes her feel more connected or more isolated: “I think it helps, because if there’s no social media, I would actually not talk to anyone at all. It would be just me against the world – and it’s quite scary.”

Did the pandemic change the way you make friends? “Definitely. I feel like I made quite a lot of friends on Discord and social media in general, and I feel like that might have affected how I make friends right now. The COVID-19 pandemic happened during my formative years when I was 13, and I felt like that was a point in my life where I was supposed to be learning how to interact with people. But then the pandemic happened – so I feel like I’m doomed.”

On whether friendships and relationships feel superficial or transactional today: “Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like my friends only text me because they need help with something, and not because they want to go out with me. They just need something from me, or they have a question to ask me. And sometimes it kind of hurts my feelings, because I genuinely see them as a friend, but when they reach out to me, it’s just things that they need help with.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “It would be to just leave the house – because I don’t, so I feel like just leaving the house and maybe going for school events would really help. I didn’t do that, and that might have played a part. So it would definitely be: don’t be shy to reach out to people.”

Name: Renee Han

Age: 26

Occupation: Dance teacher

Why is Gen Z struggling with loneliness? “If you have access to everything, it makes you feel like nothing, because you realise how big the world is. I feel like we’re not really meant to know everything about everyone all the time, but because of social media, we kind of have to because it’s in our faces. I think when we see other people with other people, that gives us a way to make comparisons. It’s easy to feel small when you’re compared to such big things.” 

On whether loneliness is a problem that has been overlooked by society: “I think loneliness has always been present, and I think now there have been more efforts to make more communal events for people of different ages, even locally at HDBs for the elderly. While there has been a greater movement, I think it’s something that can be further discussed, because I think loneliness is not a huge issue that people tend to focus on in comparison to other things like economic and political issues.”

On whether social media can help with loneliness: “Through social media, I feel more connected with people. As a dancer, I get to dance with people in real life – that’s just the nature of my job, I have to meet with people. So I treat social media as a way to reset myself. After a long day, I use it as time for myself. So I think it depends on how you engage with social media and for how long.”

Name: Zachary Lim

Age: 17

Occupation: An early childhood education student at Ngee Ann Polytechnic

Why is Gen Z struggling with loneliness? “I think that some people might struggle with loneliness because they don’t have friends who have the same interests as them.”

On whether social media can help with loneliness: “Social media can help you feel more connected, but don’t go look at Leo Match (an online chatbot used to meet people online). I think that’s just stupid. A lot of people go through those type of chat groups, but I think that it’s not good to go through that because it’s not healthy. So maybe it would still be better to go face-to-face, because you can see the person, and be sure that it won’t be a catfish.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “Okay, I’ll be your friend.”

Name: Maeve Faizal

Age: 24

Occupation: Wealth consultant

Why is Gen Z struggling with loneliness? “For me, I would say that the biggest factor that prevents me from going out and meeting people is time. I think because everything is so expensive nowadays too. I’m working two jobs, so I rarely even have time to go out and make new friends or whatever. Even if I do force myself to for like to make sure that I’m not lonely, it’s just super draining.”

On whether friendships and relationships feel superficial or transactional today? “Thank God for the most part, no. But of course, it’s also due to the fact that I’m pretty fierce. Maybe that’s not the right word but I set my boundaries well. The moment I get a hint of, “Okay, she’s here because she wants you to pay for food or whatever,” then definitely time for me to step back and find someone else instead. There’s always that boundary that you need to set when it comes to making friends.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now?  “I feel like whoever you are, if you’re lonely and you want to meet new people, it’s always trial and error with everyone that you meet. With dating, it’s the same thing again and again. You just need to be patient and put yourself out there – that’s the most important thing. Eventually, you will meet your people.”

Name: Mohammed Sufi

Age: 22

Occupation: Interning at Youthopia, National Youth Council

On whether loneliness is a growing issue among Gen Z: “I believe that loneliness is a growing issue. I feel like our generation doesn’t really want to take the initiative to approach people. Some people are very intimidating to approach because they have an unapproachable aura, but when I do go up to them, they actually turn out to be nice people!”

On whether friendships and relationships feel more superficial or transactional today: “Actually, I’ve done research on this and found that a lot of our generation form friendships based on transactional benefits. For example, being friends with your classmates because it’ll be easy for you in the long run, or befriending a work colleague because you’re going to have to see them every day.

I feel like when it comes to connections that you’re never going to see again, it’s hard to really want to reach out, because you have no reason to. So I feel like, because youths don’t see any benefit, they don’t really take the first step. For me, I’m an extrovert, but I still fear going up to people, because I wonder: “After they see me, then what?” You have to think about the future.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “One piece of advice I’d give is to read the room. When it comes to making friends, I feel like you can tell when somebody doesn’t like you, and if you still try to pursue it, that would push them back even further and cause you to have fewer friends. That said, it’s one thing to read the room, and another to be yourself.”

Name: Renise Kim

Age: 17

Occupation: Film and media studies student at Ngee Ann Polytechnic

On whether friendships and relationships feel superficial or transactional today: “I think it can be a bit difficult sometimes, especially in polytechnic. If you’re not close with your classmates or you don’t have the same interests as them, you don’t click with them. If you’re not doing any extracurriculars, then it’s difficult to branch out and find other people to make friends with, because you just end up falling into the same routine of going to school, and then going home – it’s just a cycle. Then you might not have the opportunity to meet new people.”

On whether social media can help with loneliness: “I think social media can be helpful to find friends if you don’t have any shared interests with the people around you. Through social media, you can always find people of similar interests. Personally, I made some friends through social media and we bonded over our similar interests, like K-Pop.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “I think everyone has moments like this – when you feel like you might not have that many friends or people to talk to. But I think it’s okay to try to branch out and maybe start a new hobby. Join activities and just try your best to branch out and find ways to meet new people. Because if you always just stay by yourself, it’s definitely going to be lonely and hard to make friends. But as long as you just step out of your comfort zone, and try to find new people, then I think definitely, sooner or later, you’ll find people that you click with.”

Name: Jovan Ang

Age: 19

Occupation: Interning at Youthopia, National Youth Council

On whether loneliness is a growing issue among Gen Z: “For sure, especially now that social media is so common. I think it’s more common to see youths at home, and they are a bit scared to interact with others because they can find everything on social media. And I think we are growing up more shy and reserved than other generations.”

On whether friendships and relationships feel superficial or transactional today: “I definitely think they’re a bit transactional, and sometimes I feel like it’s a bit pressuring to meet new people because I don’t have any common interests, hobbies or things to talk about. But at the same time, I also like to meet new people anyway, even if we may not have the same interests or hobbies. I think it’s a good experience to meet someone who has a new perspective on life.”

Do you think social media contributes to feelings of loneliness? “Yeah, I think social media definitely does contribute to loneliness, because people feel that it’s easier to make connections on Instagram and Tiktok, so you don’t have to leave your house or go out of your own way to talk to people. But I also feel like it’s sort of a negative thing, because you don’t really get to experience that human connection.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “Just reach out. It’s not that difficult. I feel like people don’t judge you as much as you think they are.”

Name: Goes by Maya

Age: 23

Occupation: A finance intern

On whether loneliness is a growing issue among Gen Z: “I do think loneliness is growing, and I think social media is the culprit. I’ve seen people really closing themselves off from others and outside experiences because of Instagram, Tiktok and stuff like that.” 

On whether loneliness is a problem that has been overlooked by society: “I think it’s been less and less overlooked, but I don’t think we have the tools to actually take care of this problem yet, and I’m not sure if it’s taken that seriously by governments or the institutions that could actually help.”

On whether friendships and relationships feel superficial or transactional today? “I do think that some relationships have become more transactional in a way. Once again, I’m gonna go into social media, because there’s a mentality of, “I don’t owe you anything if I don’t know you, or if we don’t know each other very well,” or “You owe me exactly this.” People start to put a lot of rules and structures on their relationships when really it should be much more free. I think when you’re with someone, you have to tolerate their goods and their bads. You have to find a balance between who you are and who they are, and you have to make it happen if you want to. And it shouldn’t feel transactional, and you shouldn’t try to make it transactional and try to get something from someone else. If it works, it’s right. If it doesn’t work, well – on to the next.”

Do you think that social media contributes to feelings of loneliness? “I feel like social media can help some people get out, for example, when people post about events. So in a way, it brings people together. But I think, largely speaking, people are very closed off nowadays, and it’s very hard to meet people in your 20s. Once you’re out of university, where you don’t have that structure that allows you to build bonds very quickly – and it’s almost mandatory in university – and once you start working, it’s definitely quite different.”

Name: Daryl Lim

Age: 27

Occupation: Dance teacher

How authentic are friendships formed online? “Online, you don’t see the person face-to-face, so it’s hard to know how they actually feel. For example, people can phrase a text very nicely, but it might not reflect how they actually feel. So I think you have to meet the person face-to-face because you get a more personal feel – to see if you actually click or not. People can fake a lot of things online – how they present themselves online may not be who they actually are.”

Did the pandemic change the way you and your generation make friends?  “I think the nightlife in Singapore is getting smaller. At night, there’s not much music around – it’s just silence, compared to pre-pandemic. I think people are more holed up at home, or prefer to stay with their own clique rather than make new friends.” 

On whether friendships and relationships feel superficial or transactional today: “I think it depends from person to person. What kind of friends are you looking for? It also depends on how extroverted you are.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “I think finding stuff to take up your time would help with loneliness. Because I think loneliness comes when you have nothing to do and you’re just sitting there with your own thoughts. So maybe going out and finding something to do. It doesn’t even have to involve people, just sitting in a park or reading a book or painting – just occupying your time would help. Just get out of your own thoughts.”

Name: Lee Wei Jie

Age: 19

Occupation: Student

Did the pandemic change the way you and your generation make friends? “Yeah, it definitely really affected it. Before the pandemic, everyone would go out together, and normally all the restaurants would be full. But after the pandemic, and having to stay home because of lockdowns, it really changed how people want to make friends.”

On whether social media contributes to feelings of loneliness, or alleviates it: “I think it goes both ways. For example, if you’re watching other people having a better life than you, maybe it makes you feel very lonely, like you don’t have enough friends. But then, social media is also a platform where you can communicate with all your friends. So it goes both ways – it’s a double-edged sword.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “I would say that it’s okay to feel lonely. I mean, at one point in time, everyone will feel lonely. So it’s better to learn how to deal with it: you can sit down there and be lonely, or you can take the chance to make more friends.”

Name: Arpana Rai

Age: 26

Occupation: A teaching assistant at National University of Singapore

Why do you think Gen Z feels lonely? “I think we just don’t have the social skills to make friends. During the COVID-19 pandemic, there just wasn’t the opportunity or the space to really develop those skills. And cringe culture hasn’t helped. Some people don’t want to reach out to others because they’re afraid of rejection or being left on read. I’ve had that too – where I reached out to someone I thought was a friend, but then they totally flaked on me. It put me in a very awkward position because I didn’t realise that we weren’t friends.”

Did the pandemic change the way you and your generation make friends? “For Gen Z, there was a disruption in terms of university life. For me, it happened during my second year of university. So going out, clubbing, all of that, just shut down, and then after the pandemic ended, they never really recovered. And – especially during my formative years – that was how a ot of people, including me, made friends. Don’t get me wrong, now there are other kinds of clubs like running clubs and fitness clubs, but I do miss the party culture a little bit. It’s more expensive now as well, like this. When I was 18, a drink was maybe $10, but now it’s easily $15-$18.”

What advice would you give someone who feels completely alone right now? “I think I’m not in a good place to give advice, because I’m in that space, so I would take advice from anyone as well. What I’m doing is that I’m literally reaching out to everyone, and I’m trying to be brave and suggest plans. I’ve tried it so many times, and I have been ghosted, I’ve been rejected… But I’m finding it hard to have the energy because of work, but then also to keep it, doing it consistently, even if you do get rejected.”

Name: Maya Onukwulu

Age: 31

Occupation: Unemployed

Do you think loneliness is becoming more common within our generation? “Yeah, I think so — for sure. I feel like because of the COVID-19 pandemic, there’s a lot less face-to-face interaction. People are communicating a lot more online, so while there still is communication, having those face-to-face interactions are really important – many people don’t really get those.”

On whether loneliness is a problem that has been overlooked by society: “I feel like people are talking about it more, but I don’t know if anything has been done about it. That said, I think people are more open to talking about it these days.”

On whether social media can worsen loneliness: “I definitely think that it can. I think with people doomscrolling on Tiktok or Instagram reels, you are interacting with maybe somebody’s opinion, or a funny video, or a sad video, so it feels like you are getting some social interactions — but those aren’t ‘real’ interactions. People don’t always have like the nicest things to say. So I think it definitely can contribute to loneliness, but it also can bring people together. You need to find a balance.”